Auntie Pooh's Place

Here. Doing okay.

2012-01-31T18:15:00.001-08:00

Getting ready for Colorado and vacation. Wrote scary stuff today -- zombies. And I have a lot of acid tummy.

Also, republicans scare me.

kicks something

2012-01-26T20:58:00.001-08:00

Hard.

I'm tired.

2012-01-24T19:57:00.001-08:00

Stressed.

Unfocused.

Tired.

Bitchy.

And I need a hug, damn it.

Also, I might need a cupcake.

Argh.

2012-01-19T18:36:00.001-08:00

That is all.

No. Not really.

I'm working hard at getting my shit together. Maybe it'll work.

So, yesterday sucked

2012-01-17T20:56:00.001-08:00

And I really can't give details, although I want to, and I can't scream and holler, although I want to.

Suffice it to say, it's work-related. I don't think I'm in the wrong. My feelings are hurt and my confidence is shaken.

I hate feeling like I'm not good enough.

Hate it.

In fact, it makes me blind with rage.

So. Yeah.

Yesterday sucked.

Today was a little better.

Tonight's been okay.

*breathe*

Stressful Week

2012-01-13T17:37:00.001-08:00

With dog fights, waiting for Larry's work visa, trying to juggle work, organizing things, cleaning, cutting down to 5 cups of coffee a day and...

God, there's a lot.

I swing from tears to laughter and back.

Lorna's got my hysterical back, though, and Michelle is a constant source of support. Chil and Jen are right there. Mother and Kristi text and make me smile. Danielle sends me pictures of Boo. And my daddy knows when to call and what to say.

I'm going to be fine. I really am. I just may need more hugs than normal for a month or two.

Happy birthday to me

2012-01-09T19:47:00.001-08:00

Been a gloomy weather day, but a lovely day all around.

I have discovered, at least so far, that being in my forties isn't bad at all. I'm settled, happy, busy, learning things. I'm no more grown up than I ever have been and have discovered a joy in leaping into situations that I'm not prepared for.

On the basics: Sherlock Holmes II was good -- not great, but completely enjoyable. My birthday presents were all fabulous and, somehow, exactly what I needed.

Best line of the day: "I swear, that was the most perfectly Shawnie thing I've heard in months." Barbara ;-)

leans

2012-01-07T11:47:00.001-08:00

2 days til my birthday.

26 days til Larry leaves for China.

29 days til I leave for Colorado.

O.o

Wow...

2011-12-29T19:34:00.001-08:00

Time to start updating. I miss blogging. I miss talking. ;-)

Afraid I have a Hernia

2011-07-19T17:03:00.000-07:00

Which is sore, swollen, painful and making me queasy a lot.

*sighs*

No more picking up big rocks.

Sitting, waiting for the exterminator

2011-06-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

You know, I never thought it would take fifteen months to get rid of the friggin' rats.

*sighs*

Angry today, and a little fragile.

2011-06-20T12:38:00.001-07:00

Feeling like no matter how much you work, how hard you try, someone's going to bitch.

*sighs*

;-)

Okay, over it now.

has a cry

2011-06-16T11:55:00.000-07:00

Okay. Enough of that.

Parents who say there's absolutely nothing their children can do

2011-06-15T10:24:00.001-07:00

To make them turn around and walk away are lucky.

They're also wrong. I pray their children never do one of those things that make them have to make that decision, because it breaks you.

Just sayin'.

all rocks go to Heaven.

2011-06-10T08:43:00.000-07:00

There are people who don't believe dogs go to Heaven?

Seriously?

How fucked up is that, exactly? I mean, what sort of a person believes for a second that these amazing creatures that love unconditionally don't deserve to move on and go fishing in eternity? (And yes, I understand I have atheist friends and we have an agreement to just nod and blink at one another -- I know there's life after death. I have ghosts. To not believe in them is like not believing in chairs. )

But seriously, what type of person can look at my Sonny man, really look at him, and think, "nope. no eternal walk in the sun with lots of naps and snuggles for you." I tell you what, those people can keep that Heaven. I'll go with Dog.

;-)

grins

2011-06-08T16:59:00.001-07:00

Been playing on the new Food, Wine and Cribbage blog. We've all been trying hard to eat in every night and we're heading into week two. :D

Also, I rock at cribbage. ;-)

VICTORY

2011-06-01T10:32:00.001-07:00

We cleaned the spice cabinet out!

Home home home

2011-05-31T09:55:00.001-07:00

For seven weeks in a row (sort of). *grins*

Loved the beach. Played in the waves, walked a lot, goofed off.

Came home and crashed. Have a little bit of swimmer's ear.

Bought a new kitchen table.

Had a long rant going about how, for those of us that aren't around young children twenty-four seven anymore, that maybe some nod needs to be made to the fact that they aren't cute all the time, but are often exhausting, loud, and destructive. Decided to just breathe.

Lorna made me bean salad.

Trying to get ready for the beach

2011-05-20T08:43:00.001-07:00

Of course, if Lorna doesn't get better or Larry catches it, I'm not sure the trip will happen. We'll see. *crosses fingers and toes*

Still, working like it's a sure thing. :D

Communications is not my friend today.

2011-05-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

I have been pissing people off left and right, and I'm not even trying.

Poo.

Good weekend, MIL was pleased.

2011-05-15T11:34:00.000-07:00

I'm exhausted.

;-)

It was good, though. I felt like we did a good thing.

Now I have a week of hard-hard work so that I can go write at the beach for a week.

randomosity

2011-05-11T17:33:00.000-07:00

Yummy stuffed mushrooms tonight.

We seasoned the paella pan and the crepe pan, got our hair done, did errands and worked. Tomorrow is my day off (yay), and in fact I am taking Friday mostly off too, so I get a three day weekend to have a princess weekend with my m.i.l.

Then next week is balls to the wall working in preparation for our vacation at the beach. I need a week of nothing but writing, of focusing on the sun and sea and visiting with our personal chef, Danielle. ;-)

My life is getting more and more positive every day, and it's about time, damn it.

trying really hard to find the positive in things today

2011-05-10T09:54:00.000-07:00

but it's tough.

*stares at the universe*

Positive. Protony, not electrony. ;-)

(Oooh. Atomic humor.)

Looking forward to next week

2011-05-08T21:47:00.000-07:00

I feel like I can start to breathe again. This year was easier than last year and, while I know that early September will be brutal, I'm shooting for next year being better.

I'm hoping for peace in my heart, in my soul.

I have faith that next week will improve.

Shooting for Monday

2011-05-06T09:23:00.001-07:00

Busy busy few days ahead. Hopefully it'll all work out well.

Am terribly bummed that the Beatles funkatonic service is on Mother's Day, but there's no way I'm going to sit through a Joys of Motherhood thing. Bitter? Me? Fuck, yes. My position right now is that we should eat our young at birth. ;-)

And, yes. I will call my mother on Mother's Day, tell her I love her and that I hope a tornado doesn't hit her trailer, then I'm going to go back to Margaritaville. :D

Thought about apologizing for my lousy mood lately

2011-05-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

But that would be a lie.

I'm busy, though, and planning a fun girls weekend out with Iris and Lorna next weekend -- massages, facials, mani-pedis, shopping, wine, chick flicks, theater, decadent desserts we didn't have to cook. I can't wait. :D :D :D

Hiding from the internet

2011-05-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

Because if I have to hear one more 'celebrate the joy of mother's day' thing I'm going to have a stroke in Lorna's honor. ;-)

Looking forward to supper tonight

2011-05-02T13:13:00.000-07:00

With the godgirl and her parents.

Gray day today and communication isn't necessarily working for me.

Already tired of Mother's Day ads

2011-04-29T10:26:00.001-07:00

In fact, I may be on a no-TV that I can't fast-forward through hiatus.

Next year, Dale and I are going on a fuck-mothers-day vacation that weekend.

*nods*

This is a great idea.

Super busy week behind

2011-04-27T16:07:00.000-07:00

Super busy week ahead.

O.o

Not only that, but I'm sick again. :P

Heading off to Daddy's

2011-04-18T07:37:00.001-07:00

Maybe.

If the work emergencies stop and I get packed.

What a week!

2011-04-16T09:54:00.000-07:00

I am, for the first time all week, feeling like I might survive long enough to leave Monday morning.

It's great, because I can relax at Daddy's, visit with him and Dale and my baby girls, but still, there's been precious little sleep this week.

Next week is busy -- driving to Daddy's, cleaning, picking up company, a cookout, Ft. Worth, stockyards, Billy Bob's, Luke Bryan concert, Stephenville, bullriding, Scarborough Faire, coming back to Austin, Mexican food feast, touristing in Austin.

Go Shawnie, go.

Busy week ahead

2011-04-12T16:27:00.001-07:00

I'm fixin' to head to Daddy's for 2 weeks (sort of -- it's complicated), and I have to get all the shit I normally would have 3 weeks to do done in 1, and I have a church obligation, and I have a novel deadline on Friday, and I can't get rid of this damned headache!

;-)

It'll all be worth it, to be able to see Dale and the Barbiers, to do the Texas experience, but right now it's just all a little ACK.

;-)

Sherwood Forest was fun yesterday

2011-04-03T12:36:00.000-07:00

The most fun was Larry enjoying it.

We've got a busy, busy couple of months ahead of us -- in that horrifying, balls-to-the-walls sort of way.

I don't know how we'll manage it, but I guess we will.

It's what we do.

Send caffeine

2011-03-31T17:07:00.000-07:00

Migraine barreling down.

So the front yard is cleaned up

2011-03-30T18:34:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Lorna.

Still there's something maddening about the fact that every inch of this house we clean up, the more things there are to fix.

I don't know how to keep up with it, either.

Hell, I don't know how to fix most of it. Fortunately I have a Daddy and a Daddy phone and I can call. Still, it's a little overwhelming.

Warning, bad language ahead.

2011-03-28T10:43:00.001-07:00

Fucking liars.

Fucking backstabbing, irresponsible jackass liars.

I fucking quit.

Sometimes I think I've had the same headache for months...

2011-03-27T15:02:00.000-07:00

It sure seems like I *always* have one.

Maybe I should keep track. I can't remember a single minute in the last year, easy, where I didn't have a headache. Not as bad as today's, but it's always there...

Long and Good

2011-03-25T19:50:00.000-07:00

Somehow today's been long and good, all at once.

My mother in law's coming for a girls weekend in May. I have company coming in April, twice. We've got a week at the beach. A long weekend in Colorado to see Jack. Philadelphia. New Orleans. Mexico.

*spends a long minute in thanks*

My life is good right now.

Long and good.

Rodeo tickets.

2011-03-23T11:24:00.003-07:00

*holds them up*

Rodeo.

Me. Lorna. Cowboys. Clay Walker. Bulls. Ropes. Chaps.

The writing tomorrow will be *amazing*.

R.O.D.E.O.

Home again, home again.

2011-03-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

I'm tired, but home. So far, I've lost 8 1/2 more pounds. I'm 15 pounds from my all-time goal. Little panicky about upcoming deadlines. Rode 20 miles on my bike today.

I can tell you, after a week in Niagara Falls, that I couldn't live there.

Ever.

Heading to Niagara at the crack of dawn

2011-03-14T18:39:00.000-07:00

Looking forward to seeing folks. Very much. I'm packed. All my work is done. Kindle is loaded. iPhone is loaded. :D

I'll be posting on fb this week.

*smooches*

See y'all Monday next!

I'm going to kick something

2011-03-13T16:47:00.000-07:00

Hard.

That is all.

More ink today

2011-03-11T17:41:00.000-08:00

And it went much easier. Strawberries and blackberries and tiger lilies.

Sara Mae, my artist, smiled at me and said, "this is about growing, now. all about growing."

Not about covering or hiding or anything else.

This is about growing.

Black spots

2011-03-09T08:48:00.000-08:00

I was doing the final meditation in yoga yesterday and it was really interesting. I was visualizing peace and healing, and then, once I visualized it inside me, there was a dark blob growing in the center, a sickness.

I know what that soul-sickness is and I have to find a way to heal it.

That is my rage and my loss and my sorrow over my daughter. Right now I'm so angry at her that I could scream with it. I haven't spoken to her in 3 months now -- the longest without any contact in her entire life. I have her phone number, I could call, but what would I say? I wish you weren't a compulsive liar? I wish you were a real person? You've hurt me deeper than anyone on Earth could and you don't even have the capacity to care about that?

What I really want to say is that I raised her better than that. As illogical as it is, because what is wrong with her is deeper than any outside force, it's true. I want to shake her and tell her I did my best and I raised her better. That we deserve to have what all the other parents we know have and I resent her for denying me the good parts of being a mother. I resent the fact that, when people ask me if I have children, I say no because that's easier than saying I had one who's done everything in her power to retroactively abort herself and destroy the good memories I have because they're all tainted with lies now.

I'm trying very hard to discover that heartspace that forgives and doesn't forget. Because, given a second's opportunity, she will hurt me again. That's what she does. It gives her pleasure to do it, makes her feel in control, makes her happy to see me cry.

So I have to find peace with the fact that there is no happy ending.

That there is just going to be an ending and that I will never get to believe that my child loves me again.

Because she doesn't.

And worst of all, I'm pretty sure she never did, because it's not something she knows how to do.

I want to have a long ramble about my position on feminism

2011-03-08T14:53:00.000-08:00

but I have too much friggin work to do.

Life happens.

2011-03-07T17:49:00.001-08:00

I missed the UU Women's Conference. I feel bad about it, but I was honestly too sick. Like I can't stay awake, I can't breathe, my fever is raging sick.

Today? I feel better.

Actually, yesterday, at 9:15 pm, I suddenly felt better. (It's not me -- Lorna was sick from Tuesday to Thursday. Boom. I was sick Thursday to Sunday.

Now, I have to work work work, because next week I'm in Niagara Falls for a week.

O.o

If I don't start my period soon...

2011-03-02T15:36:00.001-08:00

...I'm going to kill something.

O.o

Went to yoga this morning

2011-03-01T12:16:00.000-08:00

And the shoulder is better.

I'm going to try my best to commit to Saturday/Tuesday/Thursday and see if the stretching keeps helping.

Seems like there's lots of trouble floating in the air

2011-02-28T16:12:00.000-08:00

So I'll stay down here and keep working through it. Hopefully it'll miss me.

Busy day, but good.

2011-02-27T22:37:00.000-08:00

Dealing with an irritating work problem. Crafted. Visited. Watched the academy awards (I have no real opinions).

La la la.

Tired now.

;-)

Went back to yoga today

2011-02-26T17:31:00.001-08:00

Man, my shoulder is sore, but better, all at the same time.

Weird, huh?

O.o

Retail therapy

2011-02-25T15:27:00.000-08:00

Ice cream maker. New nightgown. Clearance books. Yummy tofu.

;-)

stretches

2011-02-24T16:52:00.001-08:00

Good day today -- knitting, Top Chef, and pool.

Oh, and chicken sausages.

I approve.

Man, this morning was depressing

2011-02-22T17:22:00.000-08:00

I've lost about 80% of my aloe vera, both my lime trees, my rose agave, my brain cactus.

Fuck a doodle do.

went back to Zumba today

2011-02-21T17:26:00.000-08:00

Wow. That was hard.

So far I've lost 6 1/2 lbs in 2 weeks, my sugars are almost back to normal, and I'm back in my size medium pants.

Now, back to the real, solid exercise. I did spinning last week. This week I'm shooting for zumba, yoga, spinning, and yard work.

Maybe. ;-)

Busy day

2011-02-20T08:43:00.000-08:00

The problem with working on Sundays is that it's Sunday.

It feels like everyone else is off. ;-)

I've got a shitload to do today, plus a grocery shop, walking the dogs, and running to the studio to take out the garbage.

*grins*

Of course, yesterday was a day off. ;-)

Rolls shoulders

2011-02-18T17:55:00.000-08:00

Been a pretty good day, really. I don't have anything to complain about. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, though -- yoga, pedicure, hours of studio time, then home for relaxing with Larry.

I like taking Thursdays and Saturdays off.

Dreamed about Manda last night, though. I hate that. I always have the worst headache after that (or sleeping with a headache makes me dream of Manda, whatever).

*note to self -- tell editors I'm out of town weekend after next so books have to be early

Spent the day at the studio, piecing a quilt

2011-02-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

Had a good day. I'm going to work up to spending Monday, Thursday, and Saturday over there by April.

*nods*

I am.

I can do this.

I need a cup of coffee

2011-02-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

Maybe a pot of coffee.

;-)

Easter dresses

2011-02-15T09:02:00.000-08:00

Went yesterday and bought material for 3 little girl Easter dresses. One will be purple and green (Jade), one is purple and white (Merci), one is blue and white (Kenzi). Pinafores. There are going to be pinafores and petticoats. Fabric roses. Satin. Eyelet. Sashes. (I love making little girl clothes.)

No pink.

*purses lips*

I bought material for a new summer dress for me, too, but it was red.

In fact, I didn't buy *any* pink fabric...

Weird.

Happy Valentine's Day

2011-02-14T18:58:00.001-08:00

;-)

Had a lovely weekend

2011-02-13T19:10:00.000-08:00

Saw Barbara and the rest of the Simpsons. Had a lovely birthday party with gluten free strawberry shortcake. Then dinner with Daddy, cards with Daddy and Tiff, then birthday presents for Miss Merci.

The drive home was crappy, but it's 35 -- it only comes in crappy. :D

Going to Greenville to see Barbara and Daddy

2011-02-11T21:14:00.000-08:00

I'm hoping for a safe drive, a fun party, and good visiting. :D

sitting on the sofa

2011-02-10T18:32:00.001-08:00

It feels weird to sit on the couch at night, write and crochet and watch TV. Not bad at all, just weird. Like maybe I'm forgetting to do something important.

Of course, here I am, in my corner, with my coffee, my dogs, my UT blankie (that my mommy made for me), and my laptop, watching CSI and writing.

I may even crochet something.

wow...

2011-02-09T10:13:00.000-08:00

...it's cold out there.

Like whoa.

O.o

o.O

2011-02-08T08:10:00.000-08:00

Dude, I've been a font of negativity lately!

*grins*

You know, really, what do I have to seriously bitch about? All my basic needs are met. I'm the most married person alive. I have an amazing studio. I have good dogs. Coffee is plentiful and I have a coffee pot I love almost as much as I love my red sectional (okay, maybe more... don't tell the couch). Hell, I have Tim McGraw tickets (spends a long moment in basking in the upcoming hat-act glory there). George Strait is singing on my iTunes. I'm going to go see my daddy this weekend.

I'm ready for the spring, I admit. I want to get outside and potter around and plant things. I want to see what's survived the winter. I want some sunshine. (fyi, Jan and Dean are singing now...)

;-)

rolls shoulders

2011-02-07T09:15:00.000-08:00

Okay.

New plan. New energy. New hope.

Right?

Right.

*cackles*

Or not.

SUCK

2011-02-06T18:08:00.000-08:00

This week sucked.

I keep showing myself the good parts, but you know what? It really sucked.

So, maybe I'll wallow in the suck for an hour and then move on.

tired.

2011-02-05T20:49:00.000-08:00

like in my soul.

:P

2011-02-01T09:26:00.001-08:00

I have to do something crappy tomorrow and I don't want to. I sucks, because I know I have to, but still.

I hate disappointing people.

Can't sleep.

2011-01-31T09:33:00.001-08:00

Clowns'll eat me.

o.O

Man, yesterday was busy

2011-01-30T11:07:00.001-08:00

We took three loads to the studio (and we have 4-5 loads left -- explain to me how one frigging *room* fills up a condo?)

I did a lot of lifting, and my shoulder is explaining to me that I might have overdone. ;-)

The pool table's in. Larry and Lorna both played, but I haven't yet.

Let's see, what else. Had an absolute ball with Suna and Lee Friday. The weather's good today. I'm busy (I'm taking Thursday and Saturday (and possibly Mondays, in the future) in the studio) with press work.

*stretches*

Oh, yeah. And we're watching the X-Files.

Great evening!

2011-01-28T22:37:00.002-08:00

We had a great night with our friends -- laughing and sharing stories and noshing on food. It was a glorious evening -- one where you had more energy after than before and everyone was on an upswing.

Such a fun night

2011-01-28T22:37:00.001-08:00

So, I was going to try super low-carb paleo-type dieting

2011-01-27T09:35:00.000-08:00

I made it 20 hours before the horrifying tummy troubles started.

I don't know what's wrong with me -- body-wise. I can't seem to settle, not in my heart, not in my body, not in anything. It's like I've come undone internally.

*sighs*

Okay, making an appointment with Dr. Amy. Now.

Studios. Pool tables. Parks. Diets. Daddies.

2011-01-25T17:21:00.001-08:00

Things are shaping up at the studio -- it's a little stressful, I admit, to get moved and set up, but I'm hoping it works out to be as good as I believe it can be. (Oh, and the pool table is being delivered on Saturday. Eee!)

Took the puppies on a long walk at the park today. I'm trying the 2 hours of weight training, 1 hour of hard cardio, and 7 hours of low-intensity movements per week. I've got to stop getting hurt, but I want into those size 12 jeans.

On that note, I'm thinking about trying the Primal Blueprint diet. No grains, little dairy, lots of meat, veggies, and fruits. We'll see.

Daddy has a possible great job lined up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Argh.

2011-01-24T21:15:00.001-08:00

Ack.

Fuck a doodle doo.

I didn't miss yesterday

2011-01-24T07:37:00.000-08:00

we were internetless. :P

Craft night went well, the ink is healing apace. I'm late for the trainers.

Will have today's post later. ;-)

yesterday and today

2011-01-22T18:55:00.000-08:00

So yesterday's inking was a great experience -- I'm not ready to blog about it, maybe tomorrow.

Maybe next week.

Today was junk store shopping -- we found two amazing pieces of furniture.

Now I'm sore and tired and really weepy (and swollen) and having net issues.

So, goodnight.

Very Emotional and Shattery Today

2011-01-21T10:16:00.001-08:00

And feeling a little like just hiding.

Maybe I just need a long shower and a nap pre-ink.

Heading over to take a load to the new studio and introduce the dogs.

2011-01-20T11:23:00.001-08:00

I'm weirdly nervous about it.

O.o

Go figure.

Man, I'm grumpy

2011-01-19T21:20:00.000-08:00

No good reason either, except I feel bad again.

Again.

Gonna go clean.

Stupid body.

2011-01-18T21:22:00.003-08:00

I threw my back out coughing.

Coughing.

You know... I'm really getting frustrated by my body. Really.

I just want to have things work, damn it.

Sunshine!

2011-01-17T15:06:00.000-08:00

Man, I went out to the Domain to meet my friend, S., for lunch and to chat about the new studio. It's getting more and more real every day. I feel a little... bubbly about it, really.

Larry's already calling it the Craftorium.

After lunch (grilled trout and broccoli), Lorna and I shopped for cleanser and moisturizer, and scoped out a place that sells the CO2 canisters for her sodastream. Then Larry met us and we had tea. I had my favorite -- an almond milk chocolate chipotle chai. Then I had an almond lavender torte (GF, of course).

Yum!

Best of all, the sun was out. I have S.A.D. like whoa, and needed my afternoon soaking up vitamin D.

Life is Good

2011-01-16T17:22:00.001-08:00

Lorna and I went to a goddess carving class -- it was SO fun. I made a Brighid for my bedroom altar. She'll have a few weeks of drying/kiln time, then painting and glazing, but I'm proud of her. Lorna's is absolutely adorable -- a goddess of bassets.

The whole process was amazing and I can't wait to make more.

Now I'm on the sofa, writing and watching the X-Files.

Tomorrow I get to have training, yoga, and lunch with one of my best friends. :D

Almost missed today

2011-01-15T22:54:00.000-08:00

Man, I was in a mood this evening. I didn't want to work and I had to, I didn't want to be a grownup, either.

I'm over it now. I just needed to breathe.

We decided this last week to turn the condo into a studio space. It's a little scary, weirdly enough, and a lot strange, because somehow the condo is like a blank space, but exciting. Also intimidating, because now we have to produce things in it and somehow the...largeness of the space makes me feel like there's pressure. *grins* Or maybe I'm still just moody.

Hell, it'll be so cool -- just having cutting areas and the big yard for the pups. And the washer and dryer with an area for the dyeing agents. And we found an amazing storage piece for yarn and we'll be able to have a real dining room here at the house. Oh, and we're going to get a pool table. And the light is fabulous. Oh, and there's room to have the pottery wheel and the kiln and my new loom. And a place to dry hand dyed yarn/cloth. And a design wall. We're planning on spending Thursdays and Saturdays over there in our studio.

My week coming up is a busy one -- a goddess making class tomorrow, lunch with a good friend Monday, exterminators Tuesday, tarot meeting Thursday, tattoo Friday, craft night Sunday. Add two hours of training, two hours of yoga, two hours of zumba, three and a half of dog walking, work, cooking, writing, learning the new royalty software, plotting the new series for publisher 2 and plotting something to tempt publisher 3, packing up the craft room, working on the studio...Busy, busy.

Happy. Don't get me wrong, I love busy.

I just can't look at the to do list head on.

Good day.

2011-01-14T15:55:00.000-08:00

Chicken meatballs cooking. To do list to doing.

Lots of fun work over the next few months -- creating a studio, making more books, recruiting people for a photo book project. Traveling. Playing.

Feeling positive today!

Nightmares

2011-01-13T08:32:00.001-08:00

I had terrible dreams last night and I need a hug and for somebody to tell me that they're just dreams and they don't mean anything.

*grins* Problem with that is that no one that knows me can do that without lying. They always mean something. I can't ever tell you *what* they mean, but we all know it means something's coming.

Cooking

2011-01-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

Man, today?

We ground a pork shoulder and made breakfast sausage. We made pimento cheese. We made homemade golden mushroom soup. We made Moma's chicken broccoli casserole. We made pumpkin pie.

*bounces around*

SO cool.

I feel like I was useful. Finally.

Really. :D

Argh.

2011-01-11T19:34:00.000-08:00

God, it's been a frustrating couple of days, business wise.

For those who don't know me, I'm incredibly OCD. I have a system, a rhythm, a plan, and I don't function well or happily when it gets interrupted. Everything the last few days has been weird.

Hell, everything the last few months has been weird.

I need my schedule back, damn it.

Like now.

*bangs her head against her desk*

NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW.

Man, it's cold.

2011-01-10T11:36:00.000-08:00

Cold enough that I want to cook chili and cornbread, or make a huge vat of popcorn and sit on the sofa with "Little Women" on my Kindle and read for hours.

I definitely don't want to do any work. ;-)

I was supposed to go approve my new tattoo artwork this afternoon, but it's too yucky, so I'll go Thursday. I'm partially excited, partially sad about it.

Manda drew the artwork I'm having worked on for me for Mother's day and I had the tattoo done 5 years ago (on my birthday, oddly enough). Now it's just a constant reminder that for many years of my life I was having a relationship with someone I didn't know and, more importantly, someone who didn't know me. I'm not having the mother image obliterated, but I'm not anyone's mother anymore and I know without a doubt that I don't have the right to be proud of having been one, because, at best, I wasn't a good enough mother. At worst, I was a malignant one. It's funny, but I was so happy to be her mother, and when I hear what she believes about me, what she thinks, her opinions of me and how I raised her, I feel dirty, like a criminal. I'm ashamed and the love that is the center of my soul starts to get corrupted. I would have sworn, even two years ago, that was impossible. I know better now. Nothing is impossible.

So, I'm having morning glories and their vines inked around it, for a couple of reasons. The biggest one is morning glories make me smile and I like smiling. Also, they're a symbol of hope and of lifting your heart to the sun and letting the light in. I like how they curl into themselves and protect themselves in the darkness, too. And climb. I'm a climber.

I still want to see the mother, because I have faith that one day I'll find that joy that comes from innocence again (I tell myself that my godgirl can't possibly love someone so much if I'm toxic to the touch), but I need to make the mother mine.

I also would like another cup of coffee.

My 40th birthday

2011-01-09T15:08:00.000-08:00

So, so far, my birthday's been amazing.

I slept so well last night (first night without broken sleep in 3 1/2 weeks). My daddy, moma, and my best friend from high school called an sang. Lorna and Larry sang. (Then, in a glorious surprise solo, Lily sang to me. Best birthday song EVER.)

Had lovely vegan enchiladas for brunch with my Ls at Mother's Cafe. Then I was taken yarn shopping (enough for a new shawl, some wool to finish my slippers, smaller circular needles, amazing chunky orange yarn of hugeness, and wool for MY NEW LOOM! EEEEEEE! *ahem*). I bought 2 Mexican pornographic graphic novels at a junk store to make journals from. Lorna bought me a stuffed flying monkey.

Then we Whole Fooded so I can try making ground meats with humanely raised organic chicken/pork.

Now I'm drinking coffee (out of the neatest coffee cup in the history of the world) and writing.

40 is starting out just fine, thank you. *smooches*

My party, my birthday, my day

2011-01-08T17:58:00.000-08:00

Last night was fun -- tons of people came. Suna, Lee, Carolyn, Jennifer, and Janet. Amy. Anna and Dave. Chil, Jen and the Jadey Lou Hoo. Halifa (god, I hope I spelled that right). Rachel and her mom. It was amazing.

There were balloons and flowers, yummy food, laughter, hugs. I'm blessed.

I did overdo a little bit and tonight I'm tired and congested and a little weepy.

My daughter should have been there.

grins

2011-01-07T08:47:00.000-08:00

Feeling better, finally.

Yay!

My birthday party's tonight; margaritas, friends, chips and salsa and my favorite restaurant. Tomorrow we're going to the farmer's market and then to get pedicures. Sunday is brunch at Mother's Cafe, gluten free cupcakes, and a visit to Hill Country Weavers. I got a great gift certificate for knitpicks.com from my Aunt D -- I'm seriously considering getting a spinning wheel.

Does that make me a dork?

Randomosity

2011-01-06T19:32:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to say today -- I'm getting better, my throat hurts, I did stuff, I need a cup of coffee, my feet are cold. I need a hug, I love my dogs, I'm enjoying the book I'm reading.

My birthday party is tomorrow and part of me is scared that no one's going to show up.

*grins*

What? I'm really five.

Dosas, Parties, and Smartness

2011-01-05T21:53:00.000-08:00

So, I tried something new today – dosas. They’re a rice-based crepe with Indian fillings. I had potato and onion in mine. OMG, yummy. I’m trying hard to be brave with food and try new stuff. Indian food has never been my thing, but it’s getting easier to try things.

I’m feeling better today – shaky and still sick, but better. My birthday party is Friday (that’s what I wanted for my birthday, a party. It’s so neat to see people, get hugs, etc., I can’t wait) and I want to be better for it. I tried to do a little light dancing with Lorna – it just didn’t work. This is crazy unfair.

Saturday is farmer’s market day – it’s supposed to be rainy and chilly and I don’t want to get sicker. Is that an old wives’ tale? Getting wet and sicker? Anyway, I still have to go. Grins I need local organic meat. (And I have to run by the Whole Foods and buy pepperonis and breakfast sausage. Oh, and maybe a piece of raw cheesecake and some of those glazed pecans and…)

Right. Grins

So, also feeling incredibly smart, as I realized that I could switch back to the old editor in Blogger’s setting and fix the non-posting issue.

Boogies

Excellent.

Go team Shawn!

Now, it’s time to go read on “Let Me In.” So far? Rocking good book.

Those four little words

2011-01-04T18:57:00.000-08:00

There's this thing I do where I look at someone I care about and say, "I had this idea."

Everyone who knows me dreads these words, I think. It always means a new direction. It always means more work.

Sometimes it means disaster.

Sometimes it means magic.

I pulled it today on a very good friend.

She reacted well. *grins*

Especially since it was the first time I pulled it. ;-)

Randomosity

2011-01-03T22:01:00.000-08:00

Training damn near killed me today. I'm really tired of not being able to breathe. :P

Besides that, it's not been a bad day. Went to Georgetown and met the exterminator. Went to the fabric store and got a few odds and ends to experiment with cloth paper making. Bought dog food. Ate fish sticks.

I'm a little bummed out about my birthday this weekend. Of course, to be totally fair, I'm sick and PMSing, so that's *probably* the deal, huh?

Absolutely.

*grins*

Tomorrow? I have a meeting at ten and I'm supposed to go to Zumba, but I don't know. Things in my chest are moving from congested to hurty. I might do something easier. We'll see.

Today continues, much improved

2011-01-02T16:01:00.000-08:00

I woke up in a much better mood. Today's been pretty normal -- except for having to call 911 because I saw a guy trying to break into the neighbor's down the street. That was a touch out of the ordinary. We were walking the dogs and this guy hopped over the neighbor's fence, bag in hand. We hurried home and called. I think, though, in the future we're carrying a phone.

I've lost the 5 'holiday' pounds, which is nice, but I'm flabby and out of shape. This next week starts exercising back up again, so I'm hoping for no injury and some good cardio. That's trainer and yoga tomorrow. Zumba Tuesday. Trainer and yoga Wednesday. Flow yoga Thursday. Zumba Friday. Then 2 days off.

I've got my to do list for today done, I'm on the sofa with my UT blanket and my crocheting and my basset. (I'm crocheting a pair of slippers, my rainbow ones bit the dust). Lorna's making enchiladas and I have pink socks on.

Life's not bad.

Auntie Pooh's Place

Here. Doing okay.

*kicks something*

I'm tired.

Argh.

So, yesterday sucked

Stressful Week

Happy birthday to me

*leans*

Wow...

Afraid I have a Hernia

Sitting, waiting for the exterminator

Angry today, and a little fragile.

*has a cry*

Parents who say there's absolutely nothing their children can do

all rocks go to Heaven.

*grins*

VICTORY

Home home home

Trying to get ready for the beach

Communications is not my friend today.

Good weekend, MIL was pleased.

randomosity

trying really hard to find the positive in things today

Looking forward to next week

Shooting for Monday

Thought about apologizing for my lousy mood lately

Hiding from the internet

Looking forward to supper tonight

Already tired of Mother's Day ads

Super busy week behind

Heading off to Daddy's

What a week!

Busy week ahead

Sherwood Forest was fun yesterday

Send caffeine

So the front yard is cleaned up

Warning, bad language ahead.

Sometimes I think I've had the same headache for months...

Long and Good

Rodeo tickets.

Home again, home again.

Heading to Niagara at the crack of dawn

I'm going to kick something

More ink today

Black spots

I want to have a long ramble about my position on feminism

Life happens.

If I don't start my period soon...

Went to yoga this morning

Seems like there's lots of trouble floating in the air

Busy day, but good.

Went back to yoga today

Retail therapy

*stretches*

Man, this morning was depressing

went back to Zumba today

Busy day

Rolls shoulders

Spent the day at the studio, piecing a quilt

I need a cup of coffee

Easter dresses

Happy Valentine's Day

Had a lovely weekend

Going to Greenville to see Barbara and Daddy

sitting on the sofa

wow...

*rolls shoulders*

SUCK

tired.

:P

Can't sleep.

Man, yesterday was busy

Great evening!

Such a fun night

So, I was going to try super low-carb paleo-type dieting

Studios. Pool tables. Parks. Diets. Daddies.

Argh.

I didn't miss yesterday

yesterday and today

kicks something

leans

has a cry

grins

stretches

rolls shoulders

grins