sighs

Man, I'm tired. ;-)

Art Journal Ho

So, I've been working, writing, traveling, cleaning, organizing, dealing, killing, doing, being.

And I've been journaling.

Watercolors and collages, poetry and decoupage, fabric art and pencil drawings.

Good things.

With glitter and the periodic use of an xacto knife.

It's good.

Now, yoga. After a snack.

Shopping in Vegas

Sort of rocked -- I bought some fabulous clothes. It's grand -- to know no matter where I go in to shop, there's something that fits me.

I bought jeans, a leather top, amazing makeup, a hoodie, a backless sweater, and another pair of Steve Madden shoes. (Hooker shoes make me happy -- these are leopard print stillettos.)

:D

I need the dogs to stop barking

and a hug and a cheeseburger and a break and for this headache that I've had since November to go away.

Snow!

It was pretty while I was inside. Yucky when I had to walk the dogs.

I understand why I live in Texas. I am not a winter girl.

Bookstores are dangerous

we found some neat titles today, though, and I don't regret it.

besides, I'm on #24 on the 100 books in 2010 quest.

go team me.

I miss my daughter

I miss her every day.

Every single day she crosses my mind and, for about a second, I think I can't bear it anymore.  Then I remind myself I can and I will and I do. And I will tomorrow and the day after. And next month. And next year.

I miss the way she smelled. I miss the way she made me laugh. I miss hugs and stupid little conversations and hearing about her day. I miss watching her be with her dad. God, I miss the way she smelled. My whole world smelled like her for twenty years and that's gone; there's nothing left in the whole world that smells right anymore, nothing that smells like hope anymore.

I miss being a mom. I feel like twenty years of my life, of every second of my heart are worthless, a huge mistake. I feel ashamed of myself and I feel completely alone, like I'm going to mourn for her every day until I die and it will mean nothing.

Like these empty tears splashing into nothing.

I hate wasting time.

I hate this.