Can't sleep.

Clowns'll eat me.

o.O

Man, yesterday was busy

We took three loads to the studio (and we have 4-5 loads left -- explain to me how one frigging *room* fills up a condo?)

I did a lot of lifting, and my shoulder is explaining to me that I might have overdone. ;-)

The pool table's in. Larry and Lorna both played, but I haven't yet.

Let's see, what else. Had an absolute ball with Suna and Lee Friday. The weather's good today. I'm busy (I'm taking Thursday and Saturday (and possibly Mondays, in the future) in the studio) with press work.

*stretches*

Oh, yeah. And we're watching the X-Files.

Great evening!

We had a great night with our friends -- laughing and sharing stories and noshing on food. It was a glorious evening -- one where you had more energy after than before and everyone was on an upswing.

:D

Such a fun night

So, I was going to try super low-carb paleo-type dieting

I made it 20 hours before the horrifying tummy troubles started.

I don't know what's wrong with me -- body-wise. I can't seem to settle, not in my heart, not in my body, not in anything. It's like I've come undone internally.

*sighs*

Okay, making an appointment with Dr. Amy. Now.

Studios. Pool tables. Parks. Diets. Daddies.

Things are shaping up at the studio -- it's a little stressful, I admit, to get moved and set up, but I'm hoping it works out to be as good as I believe it can be. (Oh, and the pool table is being delivered on Saturday. Eee!)

Took the puppies on a long walk at the park today. I'm trying the 2 hours of weight training, 1 hour of hard cardio, and 7 hours of low-intensity movements per week. I've got to stop getting hurt, but I want into those size 12 jeans.

On that note, I'm thinking about trying the Primal Blueprint diet. No grains, little dairy, lots of meat, veggies, and fruits. We'll see.

Daddy has a possible great job lined up. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Argh.

Ack.

Fuck a doodle doo.

I didn't miss yesterday

we were internetless. :P

Craft night went well, the ink is healing apace. I'm late for the trainers.

Will have today's post later. ;-)

yesterday and today

So yesterday's inking was a great experience -- I'm not ready to blog about it, maybe tomorrow.

Maybe next week.

Today was junk store shopping -- we found two amazing pieces of furniture.

Now I'm sore and tired and really weepy (and swollen) and having net issues.

So, goodnight.

Very Emotional and Shattery Today

And feeling a little like just hiding.

Maybe I just need a long shower and a nap pre-ink.

Heading over to take a load to the new studio and introduce the dogs.

I'm weirdly nervous about it.

O.o

Go figure.

Man, I'm grumpy

No good reason either, except I feel bad again.

Again.

:P

Gonna go clean.

Stupid body.

I threw my back out coughing.

Coughing.

You know... I'm really getting frustrated by my body. Really.

I just want to have things work, damn it.

Sunshine!

Man, I went out to the Domain to meet my friend, S., for lunch and to chat about the new studio. It's getting more and more real every day. I feel a little... bubbly about it, really.

Larry's already calling it the Craftorium.

After lunch (grilled trout and broccoli), Lorna and I shopped for cleanser and moisturizer, and scoped out a place that sells the CO2 canisters for her sodastream. Then Larry met us and we had tea. I had my favorite -- an almond milk chocolate chipotle chai. Then I had an almond lavender torte (GF, of course).

Yum!

:D

Best of all, the sun was out. I have S.A.D. like whoa, and needed my afternoon soaking up vitamin D.

Life is Good

Lorna and I went to a goddess carving class -- it was SO fun. I made a Brighid for my bedroom altar. She'll have a few weeks of drying/kiln time, then painting and glazing, but I'm proud of her. Lorna's is absolutely adorable -- a goddess of bassets.

The whole process was amazing and I can't wait to make more.

Now I'm on the sofa, writing and watching the X-Files.

Tomorrow I get to have training, yoga, and lunch with one of my best friends. :D

Almost missed today

Man, I was in a mood this evening. I didn't want to work and I had to, I didn't want to be a grownup, either.

I'm over it now. I just needed to breathe.

We decided this last week to turn the condo into a studio space. It's a little scary, weirdly enough, and a lot strange, because somehow the condo is like a blank space, but exciting. Also intimidating, because now we have to produce things in it and somehow the...largeness of the space makes me feel like there's pressure. *grins* Or maybe I'm still just moody.

Hell, it'll be so cool -- just having cutting areas and the big yard for the pups. And the washer and dryer with an area for the dyeing agents. And we found an amazing storage piece for yarn and we'll be able to have a real dining room here at the house. Oh, and we're going to get a pool table. And the light is fabulous. Oh, and there's room to have the pottery wheel and the kiln and my new loom. And a place to dry hand dyed yarn/cloth. And a design wall. We're planning on spending Thursdays and Saturdays over there in our studio.

My week coming up is a busy one -- a goddess making class tomorrow, lunch with a good friend Monday, exterminators Tuesday, tarot meeting Thursday, tattoo Friday, craft night Sunday. Add two hours of training, two hours of yoga, two hours of zumba, three and a half of dog walking, work, cooking, writing, learning the new royalty software, plotting the new series for publisher 2 and plotting something to tempt publisher 3, packing up the craft room, working on the studio...Busy, busy.

Happy. Don't get me wrong, I love busy.

I just can't look at the to do list head on.

Good day.

Chicken meatballs cooking. To do list to doing.

Lots of fun work over the next few months -- creating a studio, making more books, recruiting people for a photo book project. Traveling. Playing.

Feeling positive today!

Nightmares

I had terrible dreams last night and I need a hug and for somebody to tell me that they're just dreams and they don't mean anything.

*grins* Problem with that is that no one that knows me can do that without lying. They always mean something. I can't ever tell you *what* they mean, but we all know it means something's coming.

Cooking

Man, today?

We ground a pork shoulder and made breakfast sausage. We made pimento cheese. We made homemade golden mushroom soup. We made Moma's chicken broccoli casserole. We made pumpkin pie.

*bounces around*

SO cool.

I feel like I was useful. Finally.

Really. :D

Argh.

God, it's been a frustrating couple of days, business wise.

For those who don't know me, I'm incredibly OCD. I have a system, a rhythm, a plan, and I don't function well or happily when it gets interrupted. Everything the last few days has been weird.

Hell, everything the last few months has been weird.

I need my schedule back, damn it.

Like now.

*bangs her head against her desk*

NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW.

Man, it's cold.

Cold enough that I want to cook chili and cornbread, or make a huge vat of popcorn and sit on the sofa with "Little Women" on my Kindle and read for hours.

I definitely don't want to do any work. ;-)

I was supposed to go approve my new tattoo artwork this afternoon, but it's too yucky, so I'll go Thursday. I'm partially excited, partially sad about it.

Manda drew the artwork I'm having worked on for me for Mother's day and I had the tattoo done 5 years ago (on my birthday, oddly enough). Now it's just a constant reminder that for many years of my life I was having a relationship with someone I didn't know and, more importantly, someone who didn't know me. I'm not having the mother image obliterated, but I'm not anyone's mother anymore and I know without a doubt that I don't have the right to be proud of having been one, because, at best, I wasn't a good enough mother. At worst, I was a malignant one. It's funny, but I was so happy to be her mother, and when I hear what she believes about me, what she thinks, her opinions of me and how I raised her, I feel dirty, like a criminal. I'm ashamed and the love that is the center of my soul starts to get corrupted. I would have sworn, even two years ago, that was impossible. I know better now. Nothing is impossible.

So, I'm having morning glories and their vines inked around it, for a couple of reasons. The biggest one is morning glories make me smile and I like smiling. Also, they're a symbol of hope and of lifting your heart to the sun and letting the light in. I like how they curl into themselves and protect themselves in the darkness, too. And climb. I'm a climber.

I still want to see the mother, because I have faith that one day I'll find that joy that comes from innocence again (I tell myself that my godgirl can't possibly love someone so much if I'm toxic to the touch), but I need to make the mother mine.

I also would like another cup of coffee.

My 40th birthday

So, so far, my birthday's been amazing.

I slept so well last night (first night without broken sleep in 3 1/2 weeks). My daddy, moma, and my best friend from high school called an sang. Lorna and Larry sang. (Then, in a glorious surprise solo, Lily sang to me. Best birthday song EVER.)

Had lovely vegan enchiladas for brunch with my Ls at Mother's Cafe. Then I was taken yarn shopping (enough for a new shawl, some wool to finish my slippers, smaller circular needles, amazing chunky orange yarn of hugeness, and wool for MY NEW LOOM! EEEEEEE! *ahem*). I bought 2 Mexican pornographic graphic novels at a junk store to make journals from. Lorna bought me a stuffed flying monkey.

Then we Whole Fooded so I can try making ground meats with humanely raised organic chicken/pork.

Now I'm drinking coffee (out of the neatest coffee cup in the history of the world) and writing.

40 is starting out just fine, thank you. *smooches*

My party, my birthday, my day

Last night was fun -- tons of people came. Suna, Lee, Carolyn, Jennifer, and Janet. Amy. Anna and Dave. Chil, Jen and the Jadey Lou Hoo. Halifa (god, I hope I spelled that right). Rachel and her mom. It was amazing.

There were balloons and flowers, yummy food, laughter, hugs. I'm blessed.

I did overdo a little bit and tonight I'm tired and congested and a little weepy.

My daughter should have been there.

*grins*

Feeling better, finally.

Yay!

My birthday party's tonight; margaritas, friends, chips and salsa and my favorite restaurant. Tomorrow we're going to the farmer's market and then to get pedicures. Sunday is brunch at Mother's Cafe, gluten free cupcakes, and a visit to Hill Country Weavers. I got a great gift certificate for knitpicks.com from my Aunt D -- I'm seriously considering getting a spinning wheel.

Does that make me a dork?

Randomosity

I don't have much to say today -- I'm getting better, my throat hurts, I did stuff, I need a cup of coffee, my feet are cold. I need a hug, I love my dogs, I'm enjoying the book I'm reading.

My birthday party is tomorrow and part of me is scared that no one's going to show up.

*grins*

What? I'm really five.

Dosas, Parties, and Smartness

So, I tried something new today – dosas. They’re a rice-based crepe with Indian fillings. I had potato and onion in mine. OMG, yummy. I’m trying hard to be brave with food and try new stuff. Indian food has never been my thing, but it’s getting easier to try things.

I’m feeling better today – shaky and still sick, but better. My birthday party is Friday (that’s what I wanted for my birthday, a party. It’s so neat to see people, get hugs, etc., I can’t wait) and I want to be better for it. I tried to do a little light dancing with Lorna – it just didn’t work. This is crazy unfair.

Saturday is farmer’s market day – it’s supposed to be rainy and chilly and I don’t want to get sicker. Is that an old wives’ tale? Getting wet and sicker? Anyway, I still have to go. Grins I need local organic meat. (And I have to run by the Whole Foods and buy pepperonis and breakfast sausage. Oh, and maybe a piece of raw cheesecake and some of those glazed pecans and…)

Right. Grins

So, also feeling incredibly smart, as I realized that I could switch back to the old editor in Blogger’s setting and fix the non-posting issue.

Boogies

Excellent.

Go team Shawn!

Now, it’s time to go read on “Let Me In.” So far? Rocking good book.

Those four little words

There's this thing I do where I look at someone I care about and say, "I had this idea."

Everyone who knows me dreads these words, I think. It always means a new direction. It always means more work.

Sometimes it means disaster.

Sometimes it means magic.

I pulled it today on a very good friend.

She reacted well. *grins*

Especially since it was the first time I pulled it. ;-)

Randomosity

Training damn near killed me today. I'm really tired of not being able to breathe. :P

Besides that, it's not been a bad day. Went to Georgetown and met the exterminator. Went to the fabric store and got a few odds and ends to experiment with cloth paper making. Bought dog food. Ate fish sticks.

I'm a little bummed out about my birthday this weekend. Of course, to be totally fair, I'm sick and PMSing, so that's *probably* the deal, huh?

Absolutely.

*grins*

Tomorrow? I have a meeting at ten and I'm supposed to go to Zumba, but I don't know. Things in my chest are moving from congested to hurty. I might do something easier. We'll see.

Today continues, much improved

I woke up in a much better mood. Today's been pretty normal -- except for having to call 911 because I saw a guy trying to break into the neighbor's down the street. That was a touch out of the ordinary. We were walking the dogs and this guy hopped over the neighbor's fence, bag in hand. We hurried home and called. I think, though, in the future we're carrying a phone.

I've lost the 5 'holiday' pounds, which is nice, but I'm flabby and out of shape. This next week starts exercising back up again, so I'm hoping for no injury and some good cardio. That's trainer and yoga tomorrow. Zumba Tuesday. Trainer and yoga Wednesday. Flow yoga Thursday. Zumba Friday. Then 2 days off.

I've got my to do list for today done,  I'm on the sofa with my UT blanket and my crocheting and my basset. (I'm crocheting a pair of slippers, my rainbow ones bit the dust). Lorna's making enchiladas and I have pink socks on.

Life's not bad.

New Year, New Resolutions, New Day

So, today hasn't been stellar, but I know it's going to improve.

Damn it.

So, resolutions for the year.

1. A fruit or veggie with every meal.
2. Update this blog daily and truthfully -- If you don't want to hear my personal crap, now would be the time to bail. But I want to let myself be honest about my feelings, my heart.
3. Find the balance between exercise and injury.
4. Read 100 books that aren't for work (I made 88 in 2010).

Think I can do it?

I hope I can.